In a world where there’s beloved Christmas classics like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, it’s quite astounding that there’s also comically terrible TV specials like The Star Wars Holiday Special. If you’re looking for something more along the lines of the latter, then the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle holiday special, questionably titled We Wish You a Turtle Christmas, is perfect for you.

This twenty-or-so minute live-action special, which was released on VHS in 1994, follows the Turtles as they search for the perfect present for Master Splinter on Christmas Eve. It’s a simple enough premise and is a quick watch, but it’s positively bonkers and is easily the worst take on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ever in the most hilarious of ways. 

Starting with the look of the special, the Turtles costumes are downright nightmare fuel. They’re much cheaper and much worse that the ones seen in the 90s live-action movies, which still hold up relatively well today. Their mouths are permanently stuck open and always show a grin that looks like they’re ready to feast on flesh. Their jaws move as if they’re broken, and they’re eyes never fully close when blinking. These things are scarier than some of the mutants they’ve faced in the cartoons.

There’s a cheap quality and carelessness to the production that hurts the special throughout its entire runtime. The dialogue is cheesy, but not in a fun way. There are moments when the background actors are clearly unhappy with being a part of the project, and even a scene where the actor playing Donatello just sort of stops and stares at Michaelangelo’s butt. 

The Turtles are seen out in the open in public, with random (possibly homeless) human kids and even a Santa Claus in Time Square. What happened to staying hidden (without the proper development like in Mutant Mayhem)? There’s also never any action sequences, villains, or anything of the sort. There was no need for this to actually be related to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

On top of all that is, of course, the songs. They are rough, to say the least. Leonardo sings “Deck the Halls” in a Jamaican accent for some reason. There’s a song called “Wrap Rap,” which is exactly what you think it is. An out-of-breath Master Splinter sings a very Turtles version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” All of it is insanely wacky.

We Wish You a Turtle Christmas is perfect for a quick bad movie night. If you’re a TMNT fan or a lover of films like The Room, this one is a must-watch. Conveniently, the entire special is on YouTube right here:

We Wish You a Turtle Christmas

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